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Social Media Dos and Don’ts: How Your Online Presence Can Affect Your Relationship
Welcome, fellow internet dwellers, to the ultimate guide on how to navigate the treacherous waters of social media and maintain a healthy relationship. In this enlightening article, we will dish out some handy dos and don’ts that will help you avoid the pitfalls of online presence. Ignore them at your own risk!
DO: Post endearing couple photos! Nothing screams “we’re totally in love” like a carefully curated gallery of pictures where you both look like picture-perfect models. Show the whole world just how adorable you are, because your relationship’s worth is directly proportional to the number of likes those photos receive.
DON’T: Ever dare to post a solo picture or, heaven forbid, a picture with friends. It’s well-known that once you’re in a relationship, your individuality ceases to matter. All that matters is demonstrating to the online tribe that you are blissfully committed to your partner. The more “we” and the less “me,” the better!
DO: Share cute lovey-dovey messages and comments on each other’s posts. If everyone isn’t gagging at your public displays of affection, you’re clearly not doing enough to validate your relationship. Leave no stone unturned in reminding everyone that your love is the greatest thing on earth.
DON’T: Reveal any minor disagreements or, god forbid, any flaws in your relationship. This is a sacred rule of social media: paint a perfect picture, even if reality is far from it. Remember, true happiness lies in the land of filters and hashtags, not in acknowledging the complex and messy nature of human relationships.
DO: Stalk your partner’s exes, current friends, distant relatives, and everyone they interact with. After all, you need to keep tabs on every single person your partner associates with. If you don’t, who will? Remember, trust is overrated, but online surveillance is not!
DON’T: Respect your partner’s privacy or allow them any space to breathe. What’s the fun in a relationship if you can’t scrutinize every post, like, and comment your partner makes? Trust is a myth, my dear readers! And trust me, your partner won’t mind if you forcefully exhibit your need for control.
FAQs: Because You Clearly Need More Guidance
Q: How often should I update my relationship status?
A: The moment you exchange awkward glances and realize you both exist on the same plane of existence, hit that “in a relationship” button. Your nanosecond-old relationship is too important to remain unannounced!
Q: Is it okay if I pretend to like my partner’s interests to fit in with their online persona?
A: Absolutely! Authenticity is overrated, my friend. Sacrifice your own hobbies and passions for the sake of maintaining an illusionary internet compatibility. It’s a recipe for lasting bliss!
Q: My partner has more followers than me. Should I be worried?
A: Panic! Panic like your life depends on it. It’s clear that your partner’s worth is directly proportional to their follower count. Brace yourself for the inevitable doom that follows.
In conclusion, dear readers, remember that social media is the pinnacle of human experience. It’s far more essential to shape your relationship based on public opinion than on actual love, trust, and understanding. After all, what could possibly be more important than amassing virtual validation from strangers? Happy posting!
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