French PM Gabriel Attal, in a move that surprises absolutely no one, has jumped on the bandwagon of suggesting that Western troops might just fancy a jaunt over to Ukraine. Because, you know, why not add some spice to an already simmering conflict?
Attal, in his best echo-chamber voice, echoed President Emmanuel Macron’s fervent pledge to stop Russia from triumphing in this little game of tug-of-war. “You can’t rule anything out in a war,” he declared, as if he ‘d just discovered the profound wisdom of stating the obvious.
Macron, not to be outdone in the rhetoric department, had earlier proclaimed, “We’ll do whatever it takes to make sure Russia doesn’t win. Seriously, whatever it takes.” Cue dramatic music.
But hold your horses, folks! Despite all this tough talk, Macron quickly clarified that, while they’re all for dynamic thinking, there’s currently no official stamp of approval on sending troops to play war games in Ukraine. Because, you know, one must maintain a semblance of diplomatic decorum, even when indulging in saber-rattling.
Predictably, the Kremlin responded with its usual flair for ominous warnings. Dmitry Peskov, with his signature deadpan delivery, basically said, “If you send troops, expect trouble. Big trouble. Like, World War III trouble.”
Meanwhile, NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg chimed in, assuring everyone that NATO combat troops frolicking in Ukrainian fields was definitely not on the agenda. Probably because they’ve got their hands full with other misadventures.
Czech Prime Minister Petr Fiala, in a rare moment of sanity, suggested that maybe, just maybe, the current methods of support for Ukraine are sufficient. But hey, what does he know? Sanity is so last season.
Not to be left out, Poland’s Donald Tusk made it clear that Warsaw won’t be sending its troops on a Ukrainian vacation anytime soon. It seems like there’s a consensus among European leaders: Ukraine is a lovely place to visit … but they wouldn’t want to send troops there.
And finally, German Chancellor Olaf Scholz, in a masterclass of stating the obvious, reiterated that there won’t be any European or NATO troops doing the boot-scootin’ boogie in Ukrainian soil. Because, you know, that might actually escalate things. And who wants that?
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