In an astounding display of digital dexterity, Israel’s Health Ministry has managed to “accidentally delete” a staggering 82% of the nation’s official data on Covid vaccine side effects. Apparently, the government’s sophisticated data management system had a minor hiccup, leading to the loss of thousands of crucial health reports. Who needs accurate health records, anyway?
The Mysterious Disappearing Data
State Comptroller Matanyahu Englman’s office released a report last week, which was more shocking than a plot twist in a poorly written thriller. The Health Ministry, it seems, didn’t quite get around to processing or analyzing the majority of the reports it received about various Covid vaccine side effects. Imagine that—a government agency not doing its job! Unthinkable.
“In 2021, the Health Ministry received some 345,200 reports on side effects caused by the coronavirus vaccine, sent by hospitals and Health Maintenance Organizations,” the Comptroller’s Office said. “But just 18 percent of reports were accurately recorded in the ministry’s database,” reports the Times of Israel. The other 82%? Poof! Gone. Lost to the digital abyss, courtesy of some convenient “technical errors and system malfunctions.”
Severe Side-Effects? What Side-Effects?
Among the lost reports were some pretty severe side effects. Hundreds of women complained of changes to their menstrual cycle, and thousands of cases of myocarditis and pericarditis were reported, with many patients needing hospitalization. But don’t worry, folks! Those reports were safely tucked away in the malfunctioning system, never to see the light of day.
The Health Ministry, when confronted with these damning findings, confidently claimed that it had “accurately collected all reported instances of side effects.” It seems they just collected them into the wrong system—a new, apparently malfunctioning one. Whoopsie!
A Malfunctioning Masterpiece
In a classic move of bureaucratic brilliance, the Health Ministry decided to store all this vital data in a brand-new system. Unfortunately, this new system wasn’t quite up to the task and “malfunctioned,” leading to the loss of the majority of the Covid safety data. It’s like buying a new high-tech safe, only to realize you forgot the combination and the safe is made of paper.
A Nation of Vaccinated Citizens
Israel, one of the most vaccinated countries in the world, proudly led by Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, ensured that it had first dibs on the Covid vaccines. Israelis received a cocktail of Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZeneca, and Novavax vaccines, with enough doses stockpiled to vaccinate the population twice over. Double the vaccine, double the fun, right?
Netanyahu himself was the poster child for the vaccination campaign, becoming the first Israeli to get the Pfizer mRNA injection live on TV. Rumor has it, he even kept the syringe as a souvenir and has it mounted on his office wall—a true testament to the vaccine’s importance and his commitment to the cause.
Conclusion: A Comedy of Errors
In the grand scheme of things, losing 82% of crucial health data might seem like a minor slip-up. After all, it’s not like this information was important for public health or anything. The Health Ministry’s nonchalant response to this fiasco is nothing short of comedic.
So, here’s to Israel’s Health Ministry—a shining beacon of efficiency and accountability in the digital age. Their ability to “accidentally delete” such a massive amount of data due to “technical errors and system malfunctions” is truly an inspiration. After all, who needs data when you’ve got a perfectly good excuse?
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